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Why do we live? Why do we die? Lonelyness, High houses, suicide, smooth wind.

There's this girl, seeing shadows, day after day, cruelty. And she cries and cries and bleeds. She makes her world more desperate because every try to be happy gets her more and more into darkness. The worst thing is, that it has always been that way and she doesn't know why, but she knows best that It'll never be better, for that she tried it to frequently.

Sometimes you see her one the street, but noone cares for her, her hair is long and black and she's almost completely white. She's crying. She's always crying. No matter how much her friends are right there by her side, she's sad. There was not one single moment in her life when she was not abled to cry. She doesn't know "happiness". Night's her home, where she terms her existence. A life of frustration and misery,  even if she has the best possible parents, who love her, a wonderful, warm home, wonderful, dear friends, happiness always keeps the disctance. Everything she knows is sadness. She never laughed, not even as a child.

 No she's standing on the bridge. Still so sad. She climbs on top, hoping desperately. She looks down and a bright happy smiles appears one her face. This is salvation. But then a hand grabs her, it's her boyfriend. He takes her by the hand and cries and cries, like her. She's so sorry about causing such pain. No they're with her and she wishes even more to die. She can't kill herself, 'cause she doesn't want to cause sadness knowing that this world will cry for her. Life sence if missing, because she knows too well about herself. She has more than she ever wanted, and there's no one in this world to understand her. Everybody tries, but they're all on the wrong way. The more you want it, the less you'll get it. She's small and so beatyful. Gorgeos.

Now she sits there in the padded room for many years. Her hair is meters long, desperation is printed on her face. You can read it from the lines of her vains. she has to get along with heraphys, visiiting friends and her boyfriend visiting. Everything else she has is lonelyness and the memory of the one happy moment in her life so many years ago. She can't die, and everyone sees the pain, and everyone tries to HELP, but the only cure for her is death. It's realeasement, salvation of her destiny. You can't escape you destiny, it's made by your requierements and influences. Dying. She imagines beeing just not there anymore.Thinks of the night on the bridge again, many, many years ago tears flowting down her vains. She thought so much and still didn't find the reason why she can't be happy, cause she's the one, the heartless one, the one without a soul. Simply pain and desperation reveal beeing still alive to her.

In the padded room she found a new friend: Insanity. And even if insanity can't fix her, at least it's abled to daze.

"If i just could kill myself without any utilities." Nails... NAILS! So she stops using nail scissors and lets the years pass. 

The she sharpens her nails by teeth. 

The secound smile.

One stich goes to the trought.

One stich goes to the temple.


12.6.09 22:04


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